Practicing Gratitude

I love being inspired by other people's blogs. I recently stumbled upon Ordinary Courage (www.ordinarycourage.com), which is a phrase that means a lot to me, and which I'll say more about in a later post. The author of Ordinary Courage wrote about gratitude and included this quote:

It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.

--Brother David Steindl-Rast

This transition to New York has been challenging and I have often felt disconnected from my usual sources of joy and comfort. As always, though, I am surrounded by things to be grateful for. In the spirit of this quote, I will now make a top ten list of things I am grateful for today:

1. Obamelection. (This word coined by a charming coworker, not by me.)

2. An enjoyable walk in the park with charming coworker.

3. The pigeons that perch on the ledge outside my window. Their cooing noises remind me of doves.

4. My absolutely lovely roommate, who has already taught me about many things.

5. The Park Slope Food Co-op.

6. The fact that my new apartment in New York is actually quieter than my old one in Maine.

7. The cozy bar just around the corner that serves perfect hot cider.

8. Friends who care enough about me to tell me the truth (as they see it).

9. That every day carries new hope and inspiration if I just do my work.

10. A job, which may not be perfect and may not pay me very much, but from which I will learn and benefit in ways I may not even know yet.

Hometown Pride

I went back to my hometown today. By 'hometown' I mean the city where I grew up, not the semi-rural town where my parents live now. I don't usually visit my hometown, but an errand I needed to do took me there today. I walked past the public library where I spent so much time as a kid, past the beautiful city hall, into the gracious art-deco post office. I was struck by how beautiful everything was and how, as a kid, I had never really seen it. It's been so long since I had a connection to this place that the feeling of homecoming took me by surprise.

I never really thought of this place as beautiful before today. Describing where I grew up to people in Maine, I usually said my hometown was kind of a depressed city, with not a lot going on, a little dangerous, not really a place a lot of people want to be. I usually said it was about the size of my city in Maine, but not as vibrant.

But today I realized there is a vibrancy here I hadn't noticed. Yes, there isn't a lot of money in this town, like there was in its heyday. And maybe it's still not a place I would want to live. But I recognized there's a part of this move that's about going back to my roots. Living in Maine, I felt removed from my past. I was making a new life for myself far away from anywhere I had been as a kid, and that time gave me wonderful gifts. In a way, this move feels now like integrating all the different parts of me, at the same time that I'm exploring new ones. I looked at my hometown--and my life--with new eyes, and I appreciated what I saw. And that was just really cool.

Clearing Out

I guess this wouldn't be a blog about a big move if I didn't have photos of the moving van. Here it is...



I don't really enjoy moving but I think I need to do it every so often. It's such a great opportunity to clean out the things in my life that I don't need. Moving helps me be ruthless where ordinarily I'm not. I can get rid of all of the extra stuff that I've kept around in case I need it someday: "Someday" is over, at least in this place.

I love how I feel as a result of the whole process. Those dishes I was given that I've never used and don't think I will? I finally have the motivation to get rid of them in spite of my guilt. Then they're gone, and I don't miss them. I actually feel better, lighter and freer. This helps me let go of other things hanging around in my life that I don't need... unfinished business, shame, things unsaid, weaknesses I've kept hidden. I drag those things out of the basement and I get a fresh start.

I guess because of this, I felt okay about leaving the town where I've lived for the past nine years. I have such special people there and I'm happy I can go back to visit, and I know there will be times when I miss this place terribly. On moving day though, I felt ready. It was time to clear out the ghosts and make room for something new.

Adele

A friend recently passed this album on to me and it's become my new favorite. I can imagine listening to it on my ipod this fall as I explore the streets of my new city. This morning as I drove to work I heard "Hometown Glory," one of my favorite songs on this album. It reminded me of a man I used to love. Can we ever really know the impression we make on others' hearts?

The Summer Day

Happy week!
My new digital camera was delivered to my office and I took it out for the first time today. Most of the day was cloudy and rainy but after work the clouds parted and the sun came out. Perfect for an evening ramble at one of my favorite spots.

The Girl Effect

Practicing Imperfectionism

Like so many people I know, I am a perfectionist. I usually deny I have this tendency and just see it as normal. But today while I was driving home I realized all of a sudden how much harder my life feels because of my perfectionism. It seems lately like every day is a minefield, and I rarely escape without (mostly self-imposed) battle scars. Oh, I wish I hadn't said that, I'll think. I wish I had said this instead. I wish I had made this choice instead of that one. I wish I were different. I mostly see life as an unfolding adventure, but lately this pattern is sucking the joy right out of me.

I thought about how much more joyful life would be if I could laugh at my mistakes instead of feel ashamed of them. Is it possible to become an IMperfectionist? Can I learn to delight in all of the ways I am not perfect, but still acceptable and even lovable? Can I be proud of the things I do badly? Can I share these things instead of hide them?

I wish I could start a club of accomplished, inspiring, awesome women who take credit for their successes even as they laugh at their failures. The club of Imperfectionists. What do you think? Are you with me?

What have YOU messed up today?

Going Digital

I'm one of the last holdouts I know in the digital camera arena. But all of the cool blogs I see with their beautiful photographs have inspired me. So I'm saving up...

More photos coming soon!

Design Renovations

The Big Move

This is where I'm from...

And this is where I'm going.
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It will be different.
Exciting!